Staying Connected vs. Being Connected

I believe that as a society, we’ve started to lean on social media as a crutch to convince ourselves that we’re still part of each other’s lives.

This weekend, I celebrated my best friend’s 30th birthday. At first, I wanted to throw a whole extravaganza for her: a tailgate party at my place, catered food, a mini photoshoot, our other close friend baking treats — the WHOLE thing. But by the end of it, she decided on something simpler: a night out at the bars. And honestly? That was perfect. Because waking up together on the couch at 2 a.m., our voices raspy from three of us screaming out lyrics to “How Bad Do U Want Me” and thinking about how much we needed water, I realized this is what it’s all about. Being there. Actually being there. Rooted in the moment, not on the other side of a screen typing, “Omg, hope you had the best night! Wish I’d been there.” Lemme explain.

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Personally, I believe that as a society, we’ve started to lean on social media as a crutch to convince ourselves that we’re still part of each other’s lives. And sure, in a way we are, we see the updates, the milestones, the highlight reels. But to stay “connected” is often just mindlessly scrolling on social media thinking “Oh…they had a baby. Oh cute, she got married. He proposed to his girlfriend.” Sure, you’re aware of what they’re doing, but are you intentionally connected with them? Honestly, sometimes social media feels almost like a cop-out. And this isn’t just about screens, it’s about a bigger pattern in how we show up, or don’t, for others in our life. Real connection isn’t just about being aware of someone’s life, it’s about actually showing up, leaning in, and sharing the messy, unfiltered moments with your people.

I’m not saying you need to fly across the world to be present for every friend. Right now, I’m talking about the people in your life who you are realistically able to hang out with; take that as you will. But, when was the last time you were authentically present in a moment with your friends? When did you use social media as a platform to take it one step further and instead of thinking, “oh that’s cute” you actually reached out to say, “I saw your post about [x] and I would LOVE to get together to hear more about it”? When was the last time you were curious?

And then, on the flip side when was the last time someone invited you somewhere and you said yes? Or maybe you weren’t available that day and instead of just letting it float on by, you gave a different date/time? What I’m saying is that we are SO used to thinking we ~know~ what’s happening in someone else’s life because we saw it on social media. But, do we actually know the tears they shed getting to the point of celebration for that milestone they posted about? How many hours of sleep they lost staying up to meet a deliverable? Or what about how many pregnancy tests that came back negative before they could finally confidently share with the world “WE ARE HAVING A BABY!”. Have we walked with them through the valleys that came before the peaks?

I get it, it’s getting cold. We’d rather stay inside. We had a busy work week or..how about my personal favorite, ”I don’t want to be a burden to them with what I’m going through”. I’ve been there. I’ve used this phrase and I’ve fully accepted that it’s easier for me to just deal with this by myself. It’s easier for me to cry alone because I don’t want to be misunderstood. It’s easier to struggle in private, too, because if I get excited about something and it doesn’t happen, if I’m rejected, or the outcome isn’t what I hoped for, it feels like failure. Sharing it also makes it too real, and if it doesn’t go perfectly, that reality hits even harder. Here’s the thing though, we think we’re protecting others from our mess, but really, we’re just isolating ourselves.

“Alone?” said Toad. “Frog has me for a friend. Why does he want to be alone?”.

I’m sure I’ve struck a nerve for some of us reading this. And guess what? If that’s you, you’re in good company because same. As I’m writing this, I’m like…damn, okay you don’t have to be so blunt, girl. But maybe I do, and if not for you then maybe for me. I just genuinely feel like we are losing our sense of touch, of INTIMACY, with people. We are not meant to do this life alone, we aren’t. We are meant to be surrounded by a village. Realistically, how many times have you heard the quote “it takes a village”? It’s a cliche, sure, but it’s true. Here’s the thing though, if you want a village, you need to be a villager. Ask the follow-up questions. Be curious. Say yes to the small things that can turn into the big things.

It doesn’t have to be extravagant. Personally, some of my best memories were made sitting on my kitchen floor at four in the morning eating cold friendsgiving food and hearing(not listening, there’s a difference) our deepest thoughts and sharing tears (you all know who you are; ILYSM). It doesn’t have to be big. It doesn’t have to be grand. It just has to be authentic. That’s all. A simple walk around the neighborhood. A $10 art class. A hangout where we all bring snacks and watch a movie. Homebodies, you can do this too. Surround yourself with people who love you.

And be brave. Share your big dreams with those around you. I know it’s scary sometimes to speak things aloud because then they’re real. Trust me, I get it. But what if voicing a dream is the thing you didn’t know you needed? What if it connects you to someone who can make your dream a reality? Here it is again, but it takes a village.

So maybe showing up isn’t about throwing the perfect party. Maybe it’s being the person who stays until the end of the night, who follows the nudge to check in on a friend, being the friend who is curious and asks too many questions. That’s the village. That’s connection. That’s life. And yeah, it’s scary but it’s meant to be lived.

Don’t you agree?